Moving Too Fast A Relationship Killer? (3 Reasons Why)

Good things happen over time. Bad things happen in an instant. Take your time today.

Intro

Even though life moves quickly, should your relationship be the same? When we start liking someone, we start thinking of multiple potential futures with them. We’ll begin to think of various scenarios like how the lovemaking would be, how they would be as a parent, and how you two would be when you get older. The last one solely depends on how deep of a thinker you are. Nevertheless, this is when we enter the infatuation period. The endless possibilities your imagination gives based on the first impressions.

Check out my blog on infatuation & see the connection it plays in our dating life. Of course, we all want to have a secure future. But, in life, every choice we make is a gamble. They also say to take risks when younger since the consequences of those actions aren’t as impactful as if you were older. 

Let’s look at three things why moving too fast in a relationship is not ideal. Firstly, not having a foundation for a relationship will create instability. Secondly, the mutual bond/connection is not strong due to a lack of experience with one another. Thirdly, have emotional control over yourself, so you don’t lose your identity by helping someone.

Setting A Relationship Foundation

Firstly, let’s start by saying there’s no “magic” number to how fast or slow you should move in a relationship. This is a common issue these days where we believe if we put a set number down, it’s the correct way to do it. This is because relationships are mainly based on emotion. So adding a particular timeline to your feelings is practically suppressing them.

Openness is a crucial trait in producing a healthy relationship. So there must be a mutual understanding between both partners about the pace of the relationship. This is where mutual goals start to become key as well. Two heads are always better than one, especially if it’s your partner. 

So as I stated earlier, mutual understanding is essential between partners. This is how a healthy foundation begins. I’m sure we both agree that stability is an important aspect we must consider when dating. Having relationship unpredictability can be stressful. Not knowing what your partner’s next thought is or what kind of future they envision.

This is one major problem with moving too fast. The foundation of the relationship will start unstable because there are no past experiences to rely on or trust. I will go more into depth with this in my next point. We naturally fear the unknown and prefer certainty. This is why we are more confident when we know answers to questions. 

In life, when we want to achieve the best, we go through a process to achieve success. Nothing good comes easy. It’s easier to be a menace to society than a law-abiding citizen. In a relationship, it’s easier to be an unfaithful or dishonest partner than a committed and truthful one. Creating a foundation with your partner is a lot of hard work, but the results are more rewarding. These results don’t only apply to your relationship, but at some point, that framework will get passed on to your children. Parents are children’s first mentors in life. Hence the saying how children are a reflection of their parents. 

Mutual Bond/Connection

In my earlier point, I stated that a foundation starts unstable due to a lack of experience or trust with your partner. So let’s give you a situation to consider. First, your partner comes up to you and asks for a character reference letter to be presented to a judge. Then, we’ll add a plot twist. You’ve only known your partner for about six months. 

Let’s be reasonable here. Do you feel like the judge would consider your letter if they knew the length of the relationship? They prefer letters from people that known the person for multiple years. There’s a reason for that: longevity and consistency. They want to see if they have had good characteristics throughout their life and that this is just a one-time mistake. 

So here is the main point I want to get at with the paragraph above. We only see good traits when we first meet someone, especially in the early stages. After that, we see the loveable, addicting heartwarming personality traits. They’ll have you curious and want you to have more. So they stay on their best behaviour because they want to be likeable enough for you to date them. 

They are trying to prove they are a good match for you. Once you have been infatuated enough, you enter the honeymoon stage where it seems they can do no wrong. This all sounds good, right? Then, an argument happens, and you start seeing a whole new person—Egoistical, repulsive and disrespectful; all these traits you haven’t seen before.

Over time, a facade can’t last forever. Some people are better at it than others. Your true personality will always emerge at some point or in certain situations. The only issue is time. If you are like me, you do not like wasting your time. I genuinely feel that wasted time is worse than wasted money. The reason is that you can make back that money, but you can never with time. 

This is the tricky part of this situation. The article is mainly about why moving fast in a relationship is a bad idea. At the same time, we shouldn’t be wasting valuable time either. Investing time (even emotions) into someone new will always be a gamble. Nonetheless, there are certain things in life you shouldn’t rush. There’s a time to be agile and quick, but also patient and mindful. 

Emotional Relationship With Yourself

Mentally we can feel ready for a relationship, but what about emotionally? In relationships, there are a lot of sacrifices and compromises to make it work. We tend to want to cater to our partners. If you are like me, you gain a lot of satisfaction in making your partner happy. Unfortunately, there is something you might experience, which is called compassion fatigue. You give so much of yourself to someone that you start feeling empty and neglecting yourself. This usually happens when you are helping someone whose have had traumatic relationship history. Talking through friendship circles (I’m sure with yours as well) it’s more common than we realize. 

I’m not saying to avoid people who have these experiences. But, you also have to remember about yourself and your needs. Losing your identity trying to help another is not healthy. You should never have to sacrifice who you are as a person just for someone else’s happiness. Having your own identity is what makes you great and unique. When you are emotionally available, you gain the ability to know how much of yourself you can give before it becomes unhealthy.

When you start doing things only your partner wants to do and neglect yours, you are already losing a part of yourself. You shouldn’t sacrifice your interests, hobbies or opinions just so the relationship doesn’t end. You can’t provide emotional stability (correctly) to someone when you aren’t yourself. 

Chasing for a partner because you miss that feeling is also why moving too fast is not a good idea. We often jump from one relationship to the next because we don’t want to be lonely. We love the idea of being in love and someone being in love with you. Usually, when we enter a relationship, we want to have a long-lasting connection that will last for a long period of time

Unless you have different goals that are more short-term, this article isn’t for you. However, when you start to neglect your friends and loved ones just for the sake of the partnership, this is also a red flag. Yes, we like to please our partners, but there should be a healthy balance. 

Conclusion

A relationship is like a race the faster you go, the faster it ends. Don’t rush it.

Emotions can be hard to control if you come from a past where you’ve been taken advantage of. But, we always have to remember those good things come to those who wait. When you look at successful people, they’ll tell you it’s a process to get where they are now. My one friend told me this, and I will never forget it. “The best part of reaching your goal is the journey getting there.”

You’ll feel more satisfied when you remember those long days and nights. The effort you put in to reach where you want to be. You can say the same for relationships as well. You’ll remember the stressful and happy times with your partner. It gives your relationship more meaning and purpose. It makes you believe it’s something worth fighting for.