“I’m not telling you it is going to be easy- I am telling you it is going to be worth it.”
– Art Williams
Intro
Now I might sound a little redundant with what I have to say since we are talking about having a secure relationship. There are so many factors we should consider for having healthy balanced relationships. To be honest, the list is pretty endless. I don’t think one blog can list all of them. There are external factors outside the relationship that you can’t even control, such as your partner’s parents’ fondness of you (to a degree).
We know factors such as dishonesty, insecurity & controlling behaviour contribute to the downfall of a relationship. Just like there’s an endless list to keep a relationship healthy, there’s also one for its negative side. So what can we do to prevent these behaviours from appearing in relationships? How do we know we are in a secure and safe one?
Today we will talk about five tips on having a secure relationship with your significant other. Firstly, we are going to start with trust. Secondly, we have moral support because this can go a long way in a relationship. Thirdly, we have communication as this also relates to emotional expression. Fourthly, we have respect. Lastly, we have one people never really think of: being able to be who you are as an individual.
Trust
Let’s start with the number one answer you will most likely hear when it comes to having a secure relationship. Trust is the answer we will always hear first, and I can’t say I am surprised. Without trust, well, many things are going to go wrong. Insecurity is a significant trait that tends to make relationships end quickly. Generally, insecure people usually have past experiences that have changed their mindsets for future relationships. We’ll talk more about insecurities in another post.
Trust is how a relationship’s foundation begins. It’s one of the significant cornerstones that extends a relationship’s longevity. Like a house, when you use an unstable material, the house will eventually collapse. When there is a big establishment of trust between partners, you’ll notice that conflicts are easier to solve. The reason is that you also believe that your partner has your best interest at heart.
They won’t hurt you on purpose. Consistency is key to making this all happen. Not being consistent with your words and actions will cause a mental barrier between partners. When you start questioning yourself about the relationship, that signifies a lack of trust. Doubts will begin entering the atmosphere, and negative energy will consume the relationship.
Support
I feel you will disagree with me on this one, but support is highly underrated in a relationship. Generally, when we think about support, we believe financially at first. However, emotional support helps make the relationship last and strengthens the foundation. You can provide genuine love and consistent reassurance to remind your partner that they are the one & encouragement when trying to accomplish their dreams.
When you have that emotional/moral support from your partner when it comes to achieving your goals and dreams, you feel more motivated to do it. You feel more unstoppable because your favourite person in the world is also behind you. When you do accomplish it, it will feel like a win for both of you. For reassurance, it doesn’t have to be about telling your partner that there’s no one else.
Like how they say, “actions speak louder than words,” so does reassurance. An example? One can be just reassuring them of the future. Discuss future plans like vacations where you two would like to visit, cities or areas you’d like to live in.
Those are just two examples, but the point is that it can be simple. When you are thinking ahead, it shows that you value each other’s time. You want them to be there with you through significant moments in life. They’ll appreciate it more because they will see during your valuable time, they are a part of it. Even the time from making the plan to doing it also shows that the time in between is significant.
Communication
Okay, so we know trust and support can go a long way in a relationship, but how can we even get there if there’s a lack of communication? Let’s start with one thing that generally happens when there’s a lack of communication: misunderstandings. We all have different perspectives on certain situations and approaches to problems. Some tackle problems head-on; some like avoiding or having a little more finesse.
The point is that we are all different. We like to express ourselves in our own way. So throughout our lives, we are accustomed to expressing ourselves in one way. Unfortunately, sometimes your partner’s way of receiving information differs from yours. So your form of expression can not be helpful if your partner can’t fully understand it.
This is where how open communication with your partner is essential and how it can avoid misunderstandings. Having boundless conversations creates a space where you and your partner can openly express how you both feel. You can provide assistance or even handle situations you two are experiencing effectively. When you can create that space, it builds trust because you are communicating honestly.
This helps the relationship feel more secure due to the openness and ability to say how you feel in a safe space. This is a lengthy process, but as with all good things, it takes time. The benefits it has, such as the growth of love between you two and feeling emotionally secure, make the relationship healthier.
Respect
This one is starting to get a little more attraction generally. Usually, we still hear trust and communication as the top two traits people want in a relationship. Can respect make a relationship more secure? Well, I’m sure we both can agree that we don’t tolerate disrespect. That is one. However, the respect I want to discuss is deeper than that. Let’s talk about respecting someone for who they are as an individual.
As much as we like to share our beliefs and thoughts with others, we also must respect their beliefs. Not only does this show open-mindedness, but this shows that you are also willing to learn new things. Openness is important in a relationship. Respecting each other’s mentality demonstrates maturity and growth as an individual. Compared to someone who is close-minded and sees things only through their perspective.
People like this tend to be combative and defensive when having open conversations. This can be a big energy drainer. Positive vibes should surround your relationship. Remember that respecting your partner’s beliefs also helps with communicating with each other. They’ll be more confident in approaching you. Just like trust, respect is a two-way street.
Being Yourself
I know we like to impress our potential partner with a personality they will enjoy and like. Showcasing a persona is not the right way to go for multiple reasons. Your potential partner is falling in love with a fake personality; it’s not real. By doing this as well, it shows your true character and potentially how bad your actual personality is. It wouldn’t be genuine love if it ever developed into a relationship.
We need to remind ourselves that not everyone is perfect. We all have flaws. Just like a flower, we take time to grow into being the best version of ourselves. Some people take longer than others but it’s about having patience. When you stay true to yourself, and someone loves your personality, intimacy would grow organically as well.
So how does being yourself really make a relationship more secure? Just like the previous point, it shows respect. You are willing to learning to accept someone’s flaws and not just only their virtues. It’s not our job or your partner’s to try and change you or them. That determination has to come within you or your partner. We just need to be more understanding and supportative during the process.
Conclusion
“Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.”
– Bob Marley
When you feel that your relationship is secure, you become more confident of the potential of it as each day passes. Having that trust in your partner knowing you don’t need to second guess their intentions creates a healthy mindset. Giving and receiving support not only verbally but also physically and mentally. Receiving that encouragement from your partner on all three levels gives achieving those goals more purpose.
Open communication creates a stronger bond than having selective conversations. As I stated earlier, those boundless conversations where you two both can open up about anything builds trust. Shows support of each other views and being reliable in terms of listening to each other. Everyone wants to be heard in a relationship and be able to express themselves without feeling regret.
Respecting each other makes communicating easier as well. There’s no need to be condescending when you disagree with something your partner thinks. You just need to understand where your partner is coming from and realize not everyone thinks the same as you. Lastly, being able to be yourself is important. The love will be genuine, because they are loving you for the real you. It should be vice versa, your partner should be able to be themselves.
I am not sure if you noticed but all 5 of these important aspects are connected. For either of them to work, you need at least another one of these key points for it to work in harmony. We can’t have support without trust, communication without respect or even being yourself without respect.