“Experience is not what happens to you–it’s how you interpret what happens to you.”
– Aldous Huxley
Intro
In the previous post, we discussed the importance of high emotional intelligence. We spoke briefly about how it makes you comfortable in tough/emotional conversations, increased awareness in assessing situations, recognizing body language and being able to control your own emotions.
We know these are things that higher emotional intelligence does, but how do we get to this point? Is the process easy? Is there a certain age we need to reach to achieve this?
To Question Your Own Opinions
It’s natural for us to feel that we are right in certain situations. Especially ones that are our expertise/field of work. We live in such an opinionated society that you’ll likely find someone who will constantly re-enforce your viewpoints. Does this mean they are right? Not necessarily. There are numerous examples of where most people believed in theory/belief, and they were incorrect.
So what does this have to do with increasing your emotional intelligence? First, never believe you are always correct and listen to what others have to say on the topic. There can be crucial information that you might’ve missed in your research that can make you rethink your position on the matter. The more you allow your views to be challenged, the easier you’ll realize it is to understand people on a grander scale.
Learning Your Emotional Triggers
Accountability is one trait that people tend to try and avoid. It’s always easier to blame someone or something else for our shortcomings. When it comes to emotions… you control how you feel; no one has any control over that. Even if someone disrespects you, it’s your choice to react at the end of the day.
Always try to make a mental note of what triggers certain emotions. Knowing these emotions will not only help with your emotional growth but also help keep you isolated from situations you don’t want to be a part of. In addition, when you learn these triggers, you’ll be able to confront the situation easier. The reason is that since you already know how you will feel about the situation, you’ll be able to adapt and respond better.
Practicing Self Reflection
A major factor in being emotionally intelligent is the ability to recognize your own emotions. When practicing mindfulness techniques such as self-compassion meditation (I’ll go over why in my next point), organizing your surroundings & some physical exercise has been proven ways to gain perspective on your feelings. Hence, you’re able to manage negative emotions and harness positive ones. Of course, staying in a positive environment helps.
A quote I found intriguing was by Aldous Huxley. It goes, “Experience is not what happens to you–it’s how you interpret what happens to you.” Now if we take a moment and think about this… Let’s think about the friend or even yourself that might’ve kept around negative company or dating partners that end up not being suitable for them or you. We are always quick to blame the other person first, but we tend to forget that we gave them the opportunity to hurt us. Our lack of knowledge to know the traits that these people posses don’t hurt them, they hurt us. This is naturally who they are.
If this is a repeating pattern, without self-reflection, we’ll continue to blame the people around us. By doing so, we mentally wouldn’t grow because we will never take accountability for putting ourselves in that position, to begin with.
Self-Compassion Meditation
I came across a quote the other day it went like this: “Self-compassion is a way of emotionally recharging our batteries. Rather than becoming drained by helping others, self-compassion allows us to fill up our internal reserves so that we have more to give to those who need us.” – Kristin Neff.
You know how we hear people sometimes say that their “social battery” is drained & needs to recharge? So they isolate themselves from people in the meantime so they can recharge? You can think of self-compassion in the same way. We’ve been so busy with life, trying to make others happy over ourselves. Self-compassion meditation helps discipline us through times of self-criticism, failure, fear or even disappointment . We need to learn to love & respect ourselves first before we can give it to others. You’ll eventually become a beacon of positivity & will have people wanting to gather & be around you.
Practice Your Speech Tone
I touched on this a while ago in a previous post. When you say certain things in a specific tone, it can make all the difference in a conversation. The aspect takes a more significant influence when it’s communicating with your partner. Does it really make that much of a difference? Depending on your tone, you can be asking for something as a favour or as a demand. Your tone will set a demeanour & people, or your partner will react to your energy first before the words.
So if you practice having positive tones in your speech, your partner or people will feel more forthcoming. They’ll feel a more welcoming energy & will tend to trust and confide in you more because of the emotional energy you produce.
Conclusion
So to answer the previous question about the process, is it easy? As you can tell, what do all these steps have in common? It is to be patient with yourself. Being successful doesn’t happen overnight. There will be a lot of trial and error on your part. This includes me as well, I’m not perfect, but I try to practice these methods daily.
To attract and receive positivity in your life, you have to improve yourself first. You can’t expect changes to occur if you continue the same habits. However, developing a mindset where you become more understanding will make people trust you confidently. When someone knows you are willing to listen, that person becomes more open toward you. So having a lack of emotional intelligence is a noticeable trait if you are emotionally mature.
Ask your close friends, colleagues or family on how they think you react. Do they believe you are emotionally mature? Do they feel that you can handle and respond to difficult situations? Always good to get feedback from close ones, because they’ll want whats best for you.
Here are some questions I like to ask you; feel free to comment below!
Do you practice any of these emotional intelligence techniques? If so, which one?
What do you feel are some poor emotional intelligence traits someone might have?