“You will fall in love many times in your life. But the best one will be falling in love with your best friend.”
INTRO
I asked my mother the other day that when she married my dad, did she ever think of him as her best friend? My mom’s response was a laugh at first, then she said, “him? Nope never.” Now, unfortunately, they have been divorced for 15 years. Both are actively looking for partners for that one last chance at love. I do wish them the best, but it also got me thinking…. How come you wouldn’t want to marry someone who is like a best friend? I felt like there was more to benefit from that than just someone you have strong feelings for.
Sometimes people change over time. We experience and learn new things every day. So depending on the situation, we will adapt as well. However, when it comes to facts, if it’s a fact, nothing can change that outcome. So let’s think about this… Imagine a situation where your partner already knows the answer you would have given if asked by someone. Then, being on “The Newlywed Game” show would be a breeze.
Back in the day, having a family was a lot of people’s priority. I thought my parent’s family was the only one that was big (mom had 14 siblings, father had 12), but I also hear from other people their parents have that many siblings as well. This is why their generation was known as “baby boomers.” Through watching documentaries or studying history, things moved at a fast pace during those times. Especially for relationships. They were more straightforward with their intentions. I’ve personally talked to a few of my friend’s parents, and they stated they got married within two years of knowing each other. Some have even said within the same year of knowing each other.
Everyone moves at their own pace. There is no specific number of “years” you should wait to get married. At the end of the day, it’s between the partners and what they feel most comfortable with. However, there are statistics out there that do say the longer you are in a relationship with someone before marriage, the fewer chances of you getting divorced is smaller.
There are numerous reasons why your partner should be your best friend. However, in this conversation, I will list three key reasons. Firstly, treat your partner more than a friend, but like your best friend. Secondly, how good chemistry changes the dynamic of the relationship. Lastly, having mutual goals that benefit both partners.
I feel like many people will disagree with me on this but hear me out…
More than A Friend
Your partner…. Besides the obvious of sharing mutual interests, there’s a lot more you’ve got to think of. Your partner/spouse is going to produce children with you, share finances, live with, cry, sleep, pay bills & get married to… I think about these things, and I’m like, if you are doing all these things with your partner, how can they not be your best friend… I know some people say they will never trade their friends for the whole world… the sad truth is… friends… come and go.
Friends are usually just people whom you have mutual interests with and are convenient to you at that given time. This is why we either have little to no friends from our elementary or high school period… However, the friends you meet in university or during your career… usually become your lifelong friends because of mutual interests/mentality. The bond between you and your partner is sacred. It’s a connection between the both of you that no one can interrupt or intrude on.
Numerous people, I’ve talked to always said things like, “I swear my partner doesn’t understand me.” “I thought my partner knew me.” These are common lines I would hear in my friendship circles. Usually, in these circumstances, you would go and talk to a friend about the issue with your partner. But, of course, this is only good to a certain extent… You also have to be careful of what you say to your “close” friends as well, but I’ll cover that section in another post.
As I was saying in the earlier paragraph, we tend to go to our friends for relationship advice. When we experience issues, we go to the friends that know us best. Open-mindedness and clarity are traits you want to posse in your relationship. Outside help is always nice to have, but you have to remember that our friends can be a little biased. Unfortunately, in some circumstances, their intentions aren’t always pure.
Hence why your partner being more than a friend becomes even more important. Usually, the longer a couple stays together, they’ll experience more hurdles together. Over time, this will build a foundation between the two. Over time with countless efforts and jointly invested in the relationship, they tend to be more bound to each other.
The Dream Team (Chemistry):
If you are a sports fan, you are about to get my reference.. teams that win championships, what’s the one thing they all have in common? Good chemistry. Having good chemistry with your partner makes any situation you experience easier to solve. Imagine being with someone whose mind you can trust. That when you aren’t around, you’ll know they made the right decision to benefit you both. It’s a form of trust that develops over time but is definitely capable of happening.
Have you and your partner ever looked at each other, and you both knew you were thinking the same thing at that given moment? The ability to read what your partner is thinking in a given situation is a satisfaction that can’t be replaced. However, to get to this point, communication and action is the key to making this happen. Communication is detrimental in a partnership because without communication; there’s no foundation of trust to start on. Since there’s no foundation of trust, the bond will weaken, more instabilities will start & mistrust will start to grow.
Action is also a necessity for making good chemistry. As that saying goes, “actions speak louder than words.” I’m confident we can agree that we all dated someone who made numerous promises and didn’t keep them. They’ll say certain things that sound good to the ear but end up in disappointment when the action doesn’t connect. Not only does this ruin the formula (see what I did there *inserts eye emoji*), it also makes the partnership unstable. When it comes to love, we are visible learners. Yes, we love to hear words, but we are IN love with the action that comes with it.
We also need to remember that building chemistry with your significant other takes time. It’s very rare to connect with someone mentally. Still possible, but the probability is definitely low. The chances increase, however, when the person is mentally aware of who they are as a person and the energy they give out. This is why it’s important to know self-love because you’ll know what energy you give out and attract. When you attract the same type of energy, the possibility of someone connecting with you mentally at an early stage increases.
Mutual Goals
There’s a difference between mutual interests and mutual goals. Mutual interests are a subject or hobby that intrigues both partners. As for mutual goals, it’s an achievement or ideal that both partners want to work towards together. I feel that we both can agree that over social media, you will see that when it comes to leadership, the argument presents three sides. There’s that the men should lead, the women should lead or 50/50.
The answer I like to give whenever I see this is… it’s up to the partners. It’s between the partners to determine the relationship dynamic. The reason I say this is because every relationship is different. We all come from different backgrounds/upbringings. Goals are easier to obtain when both partners are in a good position to assist each other. That’s why it’s also important to uplift each other whenever one is down.
Self-sacrifice is vital for a relationship to develop healthy for multiple reasons. Pride is one major reason why a relationship will deteriorate. Prideful thoughts make us do selfish actions. Pride generally causes a person to think only about themselves, their world, and what is important to them. The power of pride abundantly blinds us to the reality of your partner’s wants and needs. You lose perception of what it means to work with your significant other because your ideals are primarily fixed on your own. This is crucial if you want to build something more. As I stated before, the importance of compromise and how it creates a relationship that benefits both partners.
Another reason which might shock you a bit is self-independence. Being independent can definitely have its benefits, like being self-efficient, ambitious and goal-oriented. So how can this be a bad thing? In a relationship, being dependable for your significant other is what you want to be. Being independent on personal goals is not what I’m talking about (going to the gym more, reading more, picking up new hobbies & etc.). Goals where both you and your partner benefit from the outcome. Goals such as the decision to have a baby or moving to a new home. Drastic changes that will affect both your lives.
Additionally, seeking help from your partner will effectively improve your relationship on numerous levels. First, it would be an opportunity to communicate trust and appreciation. I believe we both can agree that someone being appreciative of your actions increase your chemistry and relationship with that person. Independent people have this tendency to avoid asking for help, as well as a need to prove that they can do it on their own. This also centres around pride. As we saw in the paragraph above, pride is a leading factor in a relationship’s downfall.
Conclusion
“Falling in love with your best friend is natural, but having your best friend as your partner for life is the real treasure.”
Imagine having a best friend-type energy with your partner. No lack of communication, unrestrained openness, boundless confidence and infinite respect for one another. The reassurance and dependability that you know you can trust and not have to hesitate about. However, we also have to remember that this takes time. It’s not something you rush. This is a journey of the physical, mental and spiritual. There’s a diverse amount of information that suggests to be patient in a partnership. Over time as the chemistry grows between the individuals, it helps reduce the likelihood of the partners going their separate ways.
We all want to be happy and not lose too much of ourselves in the process. I know my very independent friends are starting to hate this post since I keep preaching about dependability. There is that saying, “gotta make sacrifices for the greater good.” I’ve always stated that yes, you have to make sacrifices, but if it’s changing your whole character, it could be a problem. You should only be changing for the better. As humans, we always want to evolve. We are becoming a better version of ourselves. Sometimes for us to obtain that, we need inspiration. Another set of eyes that can see what we can’t see because we can be blind to our own faults.
Sharing the same vision as your significant other can also go a long way, especially with life goals. Not only would you be interested in obtaining this goal, but so would your partner. “Teamwork makes the dream work” or “Two minds are better than one.” As corny as these sayings may be, there is truth in them. Working solo can only get you so far when you have a partner that supports you and is willing to help. Not only will it boost your confidence, but it will also help make you more appreciative of who your partner is. Additionally, you’ll gain a new perspective on the value of love and how your partner working towards the same goal is mentally stimulating. Of course, I’m also not saying you don’t have a friend that can support you substantially. Just the emotional comparison between the two is different.
I feel there’s nothing more reassuring than being with your lover, who is your best friend. Someone you can communicate with constantly, turn to whatever the situation is, and will always have your best interests at heart. Unfortunately, these concepts are starting to become more of a rarity these days. (I have to say I feel like social media played a significant role in this, but let’s not make me rant about social media & how it ruined genuine communication. We’ll save that for a rainy day ?) Don’t let what you see on your tv or phone screen determine how your relationship should operate. I couldn’t imagine my life being with someone whom I couldn’t be myself with.
Good post. I certainly appreciate this website. Continue the good work!