the pain of leaving a toxic relationship

Toxic Relationships, Pulling The Plug: Part 2 (Countless Pain)

“Don’t allow someone not worth it to have the power to occupy your thoughts.”

A Pain That Lingers

“Here we are again, with a pain that we experience in life that can happen repeatedly. I know I have said this before, but I will repeat it; kudos to the people that this doesn’t apply to. I saw this quote by Marilyn Monroe. She said, “Sometimes good things fall apart, so better things can fall together.”

This is a common trend I’ve seen lately. Having to sacrifice something for the greater good. But, how much of a sacrifice do you need to make? Sleepless nights worrying your partner is possibly cheating on you? Start feeling anxious whenever you speak to your partner because it might cause an argument? I’m all for making sacrifices now for a better future, but it also has to be reasonable. Losing a part of yourself for someone’s happiness is never the answer.

The Pain of Your Partner Not Wanting to Grow/Change

Ok, so now you are starting to peak in life. Just been promoted, eating healthier, working out 3-5 times a week. You are in the best shape of your life physically and financially. However, when we explore how you feel emotionally, it’s the complete opposite. When you get home, your partner hasn’t done anything even though you have been improving yourself. You constantly motivate them to do other things to unlock their potential and improve their lives.

“Unfortunately, it usually has the same results and falls on deaf ears. I know we are victims of this, but we have to remember this… We must accept that the only person we control in this world is ourselves. Got to stop falling for the trap of “I promise I will change,” & nothing happens. If someone wants to change, it has to be something they genuinely want to do. 

The Pain of Being Alone

So you have been with your partner for about 5-6 years, and they still don’t want to change. It got to the point now where it’s stressing you. Then you gain the thought of life being single, remembering the pains you have to go through, like meeting new people, getting to know them, their habits, flaws, and so on. So now you’re mentally stuck between choosing a partner who doesn’t want to grow more, being alone or meeting someone new.

What is the best option? It is going to be the one that hurts the most. Staying single for a while gives you more room to grow. Yes, we will miss that constant feeling of being wanted, desired and intimate. Our body has been used to it for so long during the relationship, but now being single, it will go through a detox. The process of getting over the initial displeasure of being alone is the hardest part. However, once you surpass that stage, life becomes much easier.

Is Closure Worth it?

Sometimes we get this brilliant idea (saying this sarcastically, of course) that we need closure at the end of a relationship. The main question we want to ask that toxic partner is… Why? Why couldn’t you change? Why did you want to put me through all this pain? Being the toxic person they are, they will most likely manipulate the situation, possibly guilt-tripping you for not believing in them.

So seeking closure from a toxic partner.. not the most excellent idea in the world, especially if you haven’t healed emotionally. However, distancing yourself as much as possible when the relationship has ended is a stepping stone to healing. Potentially, if you can minimize the time you spend with that person before leaving, the effects of you leaving won’t be as painful.

Constant Pains of Lying & Emotional Abuse

Oh, we are about to attack a good little one over here. We got to love them lies, especially when we already know the truth. Sometimes they will have the audacity to add some tears to make it seem more believable. It’s already a pain to hear the lie, and it’s another to be more deceptive about it. I firmly believe in people who make small lies and will lie about the big ones. We’ve discussed trust multiple times in past posts because we know the importance of trust in a relationship.

If relationships are like an engine, trust is the oil. It makes sure everything runs smoothly. Constant lying is already a major toxic relationship trait, especially if there’s not an equal sense of effort for this to change on both sides. If there’s no patience, will or dedication to working on the deception in the relationship (for both sides) & the repetitive lying continues…. I don’t think I have to say it… You know what to do…

Conclusion

At some point you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life.

These pains affect everyone differently. Some people take longer to heal than others & that’s fine. We are supposed to move at our own pace. Ending a toxic relationship can be troublesome and time-consuming. Despite those feelings, it can also be uplifting and liberating when you end it. Your life is more open again, and you have limitless options.

According to some research, breakups lead you to experience a loss of self, which makes sense when you think about it. That person you were with is a reflection of your personality. It shows the type of person you would want to be around. 

We also have to remember that, in life, our primary purpose is to evolve. This has been happening since the beginning of time. When we stop trying to reach our goals, potential, and purpose, we steer away from the path of being who we are supposed to be in life. 

Some Last Remarks

For the pain of being alone, as I said earlier, once you get past the beginning stage, things will look up. Your connections with people will be healthier since you’ve learned from previous relationships. You will know what you can tolerate and what you can’t. 

Partner not wanting to change? As I’ve stated a few paragraphs before, which is evolving into the best versions of ourselves . It’s one thing for your partner not wanting to grow, but (let’s be honest) there can be some jealousy in a relationship—especially one where the partner’s status is superior to the other, and it’s obvious.

Closure… Mmm, this one can be arguable, because this comes down to if you are ready for that conversation. I personally still advise against it. Solely the fact that with toxic relationships, they take longer to heal compared to ones that end mutually & healthier reasons. One of those reasons can just be growing apart. So keeping your distance from that person (at least in the early stages) is more ideal.

Lying is a pain that unfortunately you can not control whatsoever. Similar to the partner not wanting to change, you can say these two are relatable. When lying is a part of someone’s character, its going to take them quite some time to get over. This also means they have to be willing to change. For this one, i will say this, Don’t let your loyalty become slavery.

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