“Don’t allow someone not worth it to have the power to occupy your thoughts.”
― Donna Lynn Hope
Stop, Reset, Grow
Ok, ok, I promise I’ll stop with this negative topic. Got to start preaching some positivity, you know? It’s unfortunate that toxic relationships are this common. Apparently… 60% of relationships are toxic. Even in our friendship circles, 84% of women & 75% of men have reported they had a toxic friend at some point in their life.
We already know what a toxic person can consist of. Usually, someone who causes conflict in your life constantly. Their personality breeds negativity and stresses you for reasons that make no sense.
You’d honestly think it will be easy to have a relationship when you think of it in plain sight. Simple communication, no lying, staying faithful, being intimate, and we call it a day.
Easier said than done, so it seems. So why on earth do we even decide to go back to a person who was toxic to us? Well, there are a couple of reasons. We will talk about them and what to do to prevent you from returning.
Stop Being Scared Of Being Alone
All right, we both knew… this was coming; let’s be honest here. The fear of loneliness is not a good feeling, especially because humans are naturally social creatures.
We must remember that we have friends and family who will help us through these times. You are never alone. When you start thinking you are, that’s when it happens. Start focusing on yourself, enjoy a new hobby, and travel the world. One statistic I like to use is that there are almost over 8 billion people worldwide, so don’t stress yourself. There will be someone out of the 8 billion that will love you unconditionally. You have to be patient with yourself.
The best kind of love or relationship is when you don’t go searching for it. Instead, you’ll view the next person treating you slightly better than your previous relationship as “the one” for you. Unfortunately, this is a common mindset when you experience a situation that is mentally draining. This is why being patient with yourself becomes crucial to avoid this type of mistake.
When you rush for love & don’t let it find you, it actually makes you more emotionally vulnerable since you are trying to find an attachment. Look, there’s nothing wrong with having an attachment; the issue is the attachment to the right person. But unfortunately, in the dating world these days, people like to take advantage of other people’s feelings. So sit back, relax, and have fun with friends and family because the time will come.
Stop Dwelling On The Past
Calling the quits on someone can be difficult, especially when you have been emotionally invested. In the beginning stages of a breakup, when we’re alone, we rethink the relationship. We mainly think about the good memories and the bad. Then you start remembering the good parts of the relationship and start imagining your future with that person’s good qualities. Then when you have nurturing personality, you don’t want to give up. Instead, you blindly believe it can work because you are still emotionally distraught.
So all right, we’re emotionally stuck. We know logically it’s not a smart decision to go back. Our feelings are trying to overtake our thoughts and make us want to go back. Whenever we feel like this, we need to remember, why did it get to this point where I ended it? It’s not that you stopped because you didn’t love the person, but you knew deep down what it’s been doing to you.
Now, I’m not saying for you to only think about negative thoughts about the person; that would just be unhealthy for you. However, in those situations you went through, you can use them as a learning experience. It would be like a mental note you can keep for yourself so you wouldn’t have to go through it again.
Miss The Feeling Of Being Wanted
We are transitioning from receiving constant calls, messaging and attention every day to receiving minimal every day. You will have moments where you miss having someone to share everything with. It’s like going on an emotional diet. You were being fed with constant attention.
Sometimes we mix up the feeling of being wanted with love. We think that since our partner constantly needs help or wants attention from you that it’s a good thing. This point hits harder when the relationship between you and your parents growing up has been strained.
What can we do to prevent this? Well, let’s start with this, what do YOU really want? What makes you happy? That gives you meaning? If you can’t answer this question with confidence, this is why soul searching becomes important. You won’t be able to provide someone happiness if you don’t even know what makes you genuinely happy. Searching for happiness within someone else is a recipe for disaster.
Start Practicing Self Care
After dealing with someone who most likely stunts your growth, you lose a part of your identity. Then, shortly after a breakup, your brain starts to wonder more now since there is no person to think about constantly.
So all this free head space now… now what? Well, let’s start by relaxing your mind. Your brain and emotions have been strained on a consistent basis. You can finally focus on the dreams you thought about before you got into your prior relationship. The only person that can stop you from achieving your dream now is you.
Stop Feeling Bad & Punishing Yourself
There is no need to feel this way with the end result of this type of relationship. Sometimes we feel like we failed because the time that we invested went to waste.
We have to remember this… no one is perfect. Mistakes will always happen; that’s what makes us human. But, we are going to make decisions we feel what was right at that moment.
Never look at this as a failure, but as a lesson and opportunity to open your mind & gain more personality growth. They say you learn more when you lose than you would win. So stop running to the tissue box & you can put the tub of ice cream down. You are in good shape. You are starting to move in the right direction.
Conclusion
“Many people get into a relationship as a way to compensate for something they lack or hate within themselves. This is a one-way ticket to a toxic relationship because it makes your love conditional – you will love your partner as long as they help you feel better about yourself.”
– Mark Manson
At the end of the day, we have to ask ourselves, in a partner, what makes me genuinely happy? When I say genuine, I mean not temporally. Happiness that brings you fulfilment within yourself at all times. Who wants to be happy 30% of the time and miserable the other 70%?
Our soulmates are not meant to be just our lovers. They are our best friends too. They will understand you, respect you, support you, appreciate you and evolve with you. They’ll have you feeling beautiful inside for just being who you are.
We need to learn and start normalizing on not forcing connections with people who don’t value chemistry. Love is a beautiful thing when it’s reciprocated. We all want to feel loved by someone, whether it is parents, peers or your partner.
This is why it’s important to value yourself as an individual. If you don’t, it’s dangerous and leaves you vulnerable to people with bad intentions. So let’s start on the right track and start with you. Improve yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally to have a clearer vision of what you want in life.
Feel free to leave a comment or if you have any questions, shoot me an email! Till next time, I’ll see you back on the journey. 🙂