Introduction
“It can only be true love when you enable your other half to be better, to be the person they’re destined to be.“
– Michelle Yeoh
I’m sure we all heard the line, “There’s no better time than the present?” Of course, we also say that life is short too. But, in many ways, when you look back at past experiences, at the moment, you feel like it’s happening forever. Good and bad memories that felt like they happened just the other day but, in reality, happened years ago.
So nowadays, we live a lifestyle now where we should always live in the moment and worry about the consequences later. With that being said, what about relationships? Is this something we should live through the moment and worry about the decision later?
However, this line has often been said that where “the best relationships happen when you are not looking for one.” So let’s look at some ways where even meeting the right person is not the right time for you.
Priorities
Knowing what each other values in life is essential. You might not have all the same interests, but as long as there’s some mutuality in goals, both of you are on the right path.
However, let’s say your partner wants to have a child in 2 years. You don’t want to because you still want to accomplish things in life first. This is an example of a difference in priorities. Possibly your partner is older than you, so starting a family becomes a more valuable milestone in their life.
Let’s say you are potentially younger than your partner. The value and significance of having a child won’t seem as beneficial to you. Your biological clock is still fresh compared to your partners. It’s fair to say that the older you get, the more you think about having children. This type of decision is a life-changing decision as well.
So are any of you at fault here? Of course not. It just means that the future you envisioned for yourself is different from your partner’s. We all move in life at a different pace. In specific periods in life, we value certain things as well.
Past Trauma, You Haven’t Healed From
Unfortunately, we always say that we healed from our trauma prematurely. We try to convince ourselves that we are over it. The issue with trauma is that it attacks us both consciously and subconsciously. It strikes us consciously when our partner creates an emotional trigger. Subconsciously, it is just by you doing certain things in the relationship that you didn’t think you would do. Sometimes it can get really extensive to the point where you’ll self-sabotage the relationship. You’ll think/act this way because of your past experiences.
Emotional baggage is something you have to deal with on your own. It is not your partner’s responsibility to help you take away the baggage. It is unfair to those who want to start something new & they have to untangle the emotional web of suffering due to the past actions of someone else. This applies to your potential partner as well. You shouldn’t have to do the same either.
Life is Unstable
You tell me, is it fair for a person to enter into your life at a point where it’s constantly changing? Healthy relationships are built on stability. So if you feel like your life isn’t stable or is constantly changing around, you’re probably not in the position to be able to commit to the responsibilities of a relationship.
Even though you might have met someone now who gives you a good time, you have to be realistic with yourself. Would you be able to balance your life, that’s constantly changing and share it with someone else?
This is also why having emotional intelligence is important as well. It’ll give you the emotional insight of knowing if you are truly ready for a relationship.
More Self-Growth To Be Done
One of the beauties of life is that you will never stop growing. There are always more things to be done & more things to learn. It’s why no one can be perfect.
Being the best version of yourself is the biggest goal you can ever achieve in life. However, what if you meet the right person during your self-growth stage?
As seen through numerous videos on social media (correct me if I’m wrong), you’ll see many people saying that you should be dating when you are at your peak. Ideally, I would say this statement is agreeable in a perfect world.
The thing is, with life, we all got our own stories. Backgrounds that are unique compared to others.
So what to do in this situation? This is a conversation you will need to have with your potential partner. Let them know where you are in life mentally. Having this type of deep conversation can tighten the bond between the both of you.
It’s only fair to let them know so they can decide if they want to be a part of the process. It will also show genuine they are & that they are looking out for your best interest as well.
If they decide to go? That’s okay too. It will just give you more time to work on yourself and grow. Through that growth, you’ll learn more about life and what you want from it. Above all, also learn more about what you want in a relationship.
Conclusion
“The most confused you will ever get is when you try to convince your heart and spirit of something your mind knows is a lie.”
― Shannon L. Alder
At the end of the day, what am I trying to say here? As much as you found your “soulmate,” we also need to remember if you are the right person for them as well.
Relationships thrive on compromising, growing with each other & being able to support each other when one is down. We know that time is of the essence with most things. Unfortunately, as well, time is not friendly to anybody either. That’s why it’s important to make use of your time every day to better your life.
Not only for the sake of your development but even to be ready for whenever a good opportunity arises. Nothing can hurt more than being able to meet your “soulmate,” but with your past trauma still determining and controlling your life decisions, you’re not ready to be in a healthy relationship with them.
This hit close to home.