“Toxic people attach themselves like cinder blocks tied to your ankles, and then invite you for a swim in their poisoned waters.”
― John Mark Green
Leaving A Toxic Relationship Behind…
My friend and I discussed my latest post and why people stay in toxic relationships. They raised a good point and said, “you talked about why people stay in toxic relationships but never said what they should do.” I was like, “uh, that’s a good point.” We already have a hard time accepting the fact we are experiencing a toxic relationship. It’s another to act on it. I’m sure if we took a moment, we could think of situations where you or a friend was in a toxic relationship. Let me know if you hear this one a lot… “We’ve been together for so long; I don’t want to go through this process with a new person.” “They have no one else to go to.” “It’s because of their parents.”
I believe we have all heard these or even used them ourselves (including me). We mentally sacrifice ourselves for a situation we know that is deterring us on an emotional level. It gets us to the point where… You know, don’t let me blabber on further I can go all day. Let’s look at some key points when a toxic relationship is the best time to let go.
Your Personality Is Changing (for the worse)
If your personality is changing, it should mainly be because you are maturing as an individual and putting yourself in a position to make you succeed in life. So achieving this also means putting yourself in a mental state or space to achieve this. So to help you grow, you have to surround yourself with positive energy.
As humans, since we love to interact, surrounding ourselves with a particular type of energy can mould our character. This is why we have that saying that you become a product of your environment. We must remember that even though we love that person, we must not forget to love ourselves, or we can’t provide the type of love our partner needs. So when you have friends or family telling you that you’ve changed since being with your partner, generally, it’s not a good thing to hear.
Even though you spend the majority of your free time with your partner (most likely), your friends and family are the ones who have seen you at your best and worst. As compared to your partner, they usually see you at your best. So it’s important to consider what your family and friends say. Maybe it’s time to do some self-reflection.
Self-Justification
When you have to justify multiple times on multiple occasions why you are still with your partner, this should come as a red flag for you. I spoke on this lightly in my previous post (you definitely should check it out!). One of the worst pains in life is convincing friends and family why staying with your toxic partner is a good idea.
The worst part about this is at the same time; you are convincing them; you are also trying to convince yourself. The less you believe you’re affected by self-justification, the worse you suffer from it. A good defence makes a good offence, but this is not the case. If you look back on it now, you are probably like, “what was I thinking?” Like in court, you must defend yourself because you put yourself in that position.
We are all guilty of self-justifying for our actions. We usually make up excuses to justify our actions so that we can protect our ego from being hurt or being wrong. So how do we stop this? Well, this is where knowing yourself becomes important. It’s so you become self-aware when you do it and admit that it’s a problem. Self-justification is just another way to make yourself take less accountability. So when we admit it’s a problem, it’s an issue that can be fixed before it gets extensive.
Recognizing Your Self-Worth:
Toxic partners like to use the phrases like “you won’t find anyone better than me.” or can even go to the extent of possibly using one of your friend’s failed relationship as a reminder that you could be alone like them as well. Mental manipulation is being used more and more in our relationships & it’s drastically becoming worse. When you have been with this partner for so long, some of you will believe it because you feel like they know you best. That’s the mind trick they use because it plays on both your mental emotions and your feelings.
When we get into that weakened mental state, it’ll start to make us question our worth & feel that we don’t deserve any better. Leaving the relationship is ideal for your well-being if you see any of these signs. When your partner starts to say things like this, it usually means you are outgrowing them. You are improving faster than them, and they feel threatened by it.
It’s natural for someone to feel jealous when someone is above them. However, in a relationship, there should never be any jealousy because if one of you is doing well, that means you both are. However, a toxic partner would do their best to make sure you don’t become aware and see that inner light in you. They’ll do their best to prevent you from reaching your true potential because that means they will have to work on themselves.
Conclusion
“Like arsenic, toxic people will slowly kill you. They kill your positive spirit and play with your mind and emotions. The only cure is to let them go.”
— Dennisse Lisseth
Well… this isn’t the true conclusion; part 2 is already on its way. The second part will have many more reasons, so stay in touch and don’t leave too soon! The post tonight was the top 3 that I’ve experienced & I don’t even mean only me. It goes for people I’ve talked to and seen for myself. We are living in a time where being toxic is being glorified. To keep your partner “in line,” you should be toxic.
Our minds have becomes occupied with so many ideas from friends, family & social media to the part it’s hard to even think on your own for a couple of mins. There’s always “something” ‘trying to tell you to love in a certain way. I guess you can say I’m doing that, too, but not really. The goal of what I’m trying to do is to enlighten you so you can figure it out for yourself. What type of love do you want and receive that is reasonable? Common tendencies you see in a partner and being able to react in those given situations.
Feel free to agree or disagree in the comments below! Also, If you feel you have other situations or reasons that you experienced or saw that should be in the top 3, let me know!
The thought of her being with someone else makes me sick Grizzy