Introduction
“Intensely selfish people are always very decided as to what they wish. They do not waste their energies in considering the good of others.”
– Ouida, Wanda
Feeling like the prize means you feeling good about yourself. That’s what self-love is, right? However, overindulging in yourself can actually make you seem unattractive. Narcissist tendencies are what cause unhealthy relationships. You shouldn’t be in competition with someone’s ego to gain their love. When coming together as a couple, we are trying to show each other why you both deserve one another, not just one side proving themselves. This means being willing to listen to our partner’s needs, express our own needs, and work together to create a strong bond based on mutual respect, trust, and love. It’s not about one person proving themselves to the other but rather about both partners showing up as their authentic selves and supporting each other in their individual journeys.
In a dating era, people always believe they are the prize and want the other person to do all the work. This isn’t how love works; with love, there’s a reciprocation of energy. It’s better to have nobody than someone who mistreats you or doesn’t truly want to be there. By staying true to ourselves and our own needs, we can attract a partner who is a true match for us and build a relationship that is based on mutual appreciation and support.
Lack of Commitment
When you feel like the prize, the need for you to want the potential partner diminishes. You won’t find any value in getting to know your partner till they check off some spots on the checklist first. For someone who is interested in somebody and that person doesn’t show appreciation for the energy being put in, it’ll make the person feel they are not being valued. The currency that has the most significant value in life is time because it’s the one thing you use and can never get back.
So now what happens is the person who has been sacrificing their time and energy into getting to know the person starts to feel that lack of interest, and they’ll start to distance themselves respectfully because they value their time and have self-respect for themselves. When it becomes one-sided, it’s a sign to go. There’s no loyalty or badge of honour in staying in a situation where you are energy is unappreciated. The longer you wait, the more you will hurt your self-worth. We all deserve to be in a relationship where both sides always put in effort and time and want to make things work.
When we seek love, both hearts must be equally invested in each other. Create an emotional bond that makes staying worth it. Communicating with one another to make sure you both are on the same page. Don’t add gas to a fire that doesn’t want to grow or spark. Remember to keep the faith in finding a reciprocal love. One that will cherish you as much as you will treasure them.
The Urge To Keep Their Options Open
Remember how I said earlier that we live in a dating era where everyone thinks they are the prize? Within this same era, we have the urge constantly to keep our options open. Thanks to the power of social media, it’s hard for us to remain content/happy with what we have. We can have random people worldwide message you at a moment’s notice. Sometimes, what will happen is if the partner is not satisfying enough at the moment, you’ll start to become more intrigued with what the other options have to offer. So now, when it comes to working things out with a partner, it doesn’t feel as worthwhile because you know other people also want to be with you. The strive and energy to work things out become less.
You can never find peace or true happiness when you always keep your options open. The reason is that you will constantly keep one foot in and one foot out. You won’t give 100% energy/effort to someone who wants to know you. That is never fair for anyone fully committing to making a relationship work. Similar to the point above, when you keep your options open, it’s harder for you to commit to someone since there will always be others wanting you as well.
People need to remember this: there will always be people out there who are more good-looking than your partner and possibly have a better personality than your partner, but at the end of the day, it doesn’t always mean they are better than your partner.
Not As Emotionally Invested
This is similar to the first point. We’ve talked about how it’s more difficult to commit to someone when you feel like the prize and have people constantly wanting to be with you. The feeling of needing to give more won’t feel as attractive. So it’s important to find someone who is willing to set aside their pride and value connections over their ego. Pride kills; having too much of it can look unattractive to most people.
The “prize” mentality has made it harder to establish that emotional connection towards someone since there’s no reciprocation of energy. The relationship won’t change if you keep pouring more effort into it. If the other person’s heart is not there or wants to connect, then it won’t happen. Loving them harder won’t make them love you, either. So if they aren’t feeling the relationship as much as you are, you can find someone who will. We need to remember that what we feel, the way we love, the type of love we want, there’s someone out there who is seeking the same as you. So just be patient with yourself; the time will come.
Conclusion
“Your conscience is the measure of the honesty of your selfishness. Listen to it carefully.“
– Richard Bach
Now, I’m not saying you have to settle for less. In a relationship, it’s important to understand that perfection is an elusive concept. While you should always strive to be with someone who adds value to your life and vice versa, it’s crucial to be realistic about your expectations. Every person you love will have faults, and it’s a matter of whether or not you can accept and tolerate them.
Adopting a prize mentality in your relationships may cause you to focus solely on the qualities you want in a partner rather than the connection you share with someone. This approach could lead you to take advantage of the opportunity to build a deep, meaningful relationship with the person who is truly meant for you. Instead, it’s important to look beyond surface-level characteristics and prioritize the emotional connection you have with someone when seeking a long-term partner.